


hey,,, what the fuck,,

by sinkburrito



Series: Liontrust Week 2017 [5]
Category: Warcraft (2016), Warcraft - All Media Types, World of Warcraft
Genre: Crack, Liontrust Week, What am I doing, betty crocker as a mage, dubious use of time travel, illidan is creepy, khadgar had like 3 husbands, kj shows up, pissed jaina, saying idk out loud, someone save arator from his embarrassing parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 17:43:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11362425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinkburrito/pseuds/sinkburrito
Summary: idk?????? this is crack???????? im playing the pina colada song on repeat rnedit: why does this have more words than yesterdays i am a failure





	hey,,, what the fuck,,

“What are you doing?” Anduin asked. Khadgar shrugged.

 

“Idk, it looked pretty cool in the book,”

 

“Did you just say “idk” out loud?”

 

“Idk.”

 

Khadgar was standing in a cool looking purple circle on the floor. He was doing some magic shit. 

 

“What’s it supposed to do?”

 

“Uh, i don’t know. It was a betty crocker cookbook.” 

 

“Betty crocker was a mage?” Anduin asked incredulously.

 

“Shut your ignorant pie hole, Betty Crocker was the greatest witch of her age!” Khadgar retorted, doing more magic shit. The whole thing went up in purple flames, so that was new. Anduin suddenly had a feeling like a hangover and then they were somewhere else. 

 

“Woah,” Khadgar said, rubbing his head. It looked kinda like they were in Dalaran, but different. 

 

“Hey, what the fuck,” said a familiar voice. It appeared that they had time travelled! Why? For plot reasons!

 

“Hey, it kinda looks like you!” a silver haired woman said. 

 

“I wasn’t that ugly,” old Khadgar replied. Young Khadgar gasped in offense.

 

“Just wondering? Why are you here?” Old Khadgar asked.

 

“Idk, Betty Crocker’s handwriting is shit,” young Khadgar explained. Old Khadgar nodded knowingly.

 

“Hey, isn’t that your ex-husband?” Modera said, elbowing Khadgar. Anduin waved.

 

“Can you just shut the fuck up? Young me looks like, twelve, we’re not supposed to tell him these things!” . 

 

Young Khadgar raised a hand. “Actually, I’m 20.”

 

“Why am I the ex-husband?” Anduin asked.

 

“No, I thought he was the second husband,” some other mage guy said. Yeah I know there’s six but I can only remember two and can you blame me?? 

 

“Then why am I the second ex-husband?” 

 

“Didn’t the first one die?” Modera asked.

 

“Why are you so interested in my love life?” Old Khadgar hissed. 

 

“It’s not like we have much else to do. If it helps, we gossip about Jaina too. We think Kalec’s a bad choice.” Modera reassured.

 

“Hey, I’m right here!” Kalec complained. Oh yeah he’s there too.

 

“I’m kinda worried that you’re so old and might die soon, but at least I got some dick. Thanks, old me,” Young Khadgar said. 

 

“Ok but am I the only one worried about the first husband?” Anduin asked.

 

“Don’t worry he was kinda  a douche near the end,” Modera whispered.

 

“Modera you fuck, you didn’t even know Medivh!” Old Khadgar yelled, kicking her in the shins.

 

Anduin made the face like the confused math woman meme. 

 

“I married the guardian? Sweet!” Young Khadgar said gleefully. 

 

“Ya but then he died,” Kalec said unhelpfully.

 

“Damn,” Anduin said. “What about me?”

 

“You guys got married after the first one died.” Modera explained.

 

“Still worried about that,” Anduin added.

 

“Can you guys shut up about my love life?” Old Khadgar moaned.

 

“No,” Modera told him. 

 

“Hey hey hey, how may I fuck up your life today?” Illidan said, kicking down the doors to that room where all the mages stand in a circle all day.

 

Modera had a shit eating grin.

 

“I think we’re pretty fucked today, thanks,” young Khadgar said.

 

“No, I don’t think so,” Illidan said, lassoing Argus and bringing it down on top of Dalaran. 

 

“Uh??????????” Young Khadgar said.

 

“That’s going to be the third husband,” Modera said.

 

“Yeah right,” Old Khadgar said.

 

Illidan shrugged. “I don’t really care, it could make Tyrande jealous.”

 

“No!!!!!!” Young Khadgar said!!! “Dont’ fuck it!!!”

 

“Fuck me instead,” Anduin blurted.

 

“Of all the ways to meet my namesake, this was not the one I wanted,” Anduin Wrynn said, stepping out of a portal.

 

Anduin Lothar hid his face in his hands.

 

“You!!! YOu don’t get to judge!!!” Old Khadgar shrieked, pointing at Anduin Wrynn.

Modera slapped a hand over his mouth. 

 

“I wanna go home,” Anduin Lothar whimpered.

 

“No,” said Kil’Jaeden, who was pissed because Argus wasn’t where it was supposed to be. Also, he was still alive for plot reasons.

 

“I’m gonna wreck it,” Illidan said.

 

“I’M CLEARING UP THIS SHITSTORM!” Jaina Proudmoore yelled. She left Dalaran for 5 (five) minutes to get pizza and this is what she comes back to. Shit’s on fire.

 

Jaina froze everyone in place.

 

“Hey, what the fuck,” she said, pointing at Young Khadgar and Anduin Lothar. They shrugged.

 

“There aren’t enough people in this shitstorm,” Jaina proclaimed, summoning like everyone from wow history ever.

 

“I wanna go home,” Anduin Lothar said more firmly as people materialized. Arthas cried into his shoulder.

 

“I didn’t deserve this,” Ysera told Varian, who nodded.

 

“Jaina, what the fuck?” Kale that said. Fucking autocorrect. Kael thas. 

 

“I don’t know,” she said. 

 

“Hey isn’t this supposed to be about us?” Young Khadgar said, sliding an arm around Anduin.

Anduin Wrynn shrieked and ran away. Young Khadgar winced and put an arm around Anduin Lothar (oops). 

 

“Do you have something you wanna say?” Jaina asked, putting her hands on her hips.

 

“Yeah, when are we getting married? Can we just like, do that now?” Young Khadgar asked.

 

Illidan shrugged. “I guess so?”

 

“I mean I’m a priest,” Anduin Wrynn said.

 

“Cool!” Anduin Lothar said.

 

“I want to do it, I have a cool title,” High Exarch Turalyon said. Or something like that, I can’t remember. 

 

“Fuck you,” Anduin Wrynn replied. 

 

“I already did,” Alleria said, highfiving Turalyon. Arator hid his face in shame.

 

“GUYS LET ME” Xe’ra said, breathing heavily. Illidan screamed.

 

“CREEPY FANGIRL GET IT AWAY!” he shrieked, running out the door. 

 

“Ha, I’m doing it,” Tyrande said, appearing out of the shadows. She had been hiding from Illidan, her creepy stalker.

 

“No!” Anduin Wrynn and Turalyon said, but they were too late. Tyrande was just too cool.

 

“Yay!” Anduin Lothar and Khadgar said, being married.

 

“I guess that means no first husband,” Lothar said smugly.

 

“Idk, you’re not gonna remember this,” Old Khadgar said.

 

“Did you just say-” Lothar started, but the world started to swirl around him and he passed out.

 

Anduin woke in his own bed. He had no idea who any of those people were. 

 

“Sir, you need to check out these bodies,” a soldier said. Anduin gave him a thumbs up. 

 

Lots of people were dying and nobody knew what killed them. Maybe he should have a look at the bodies.

 

A young guy was already looking at them, but he looked like a mage.

 

“What are you doing in my city, spellchucker?” he asked. The dream had already faded from his memory, but something weird told him he was gonna marry this guy.

**Author's Note:**

> well i mean it asked for crack so,, its crack
> 
> also headcanon that khadgar was with medivh then he died and then he got with lothar 
> 
> see this way i can have both ships
> 
> loophole


End file.
